How To Get Help For Others

Parents, what should you do?

(This is for friends and family members too!)

If you become aware that your child or teen is engaging in self-injurious acts, remember that the majority of teens who cause self-injury to themselves do not intend to inflict serious injury or to cause death.  If you feel that the injury pose potential medical risks to your teen, contact emergency medical services IMMEDIATELY.

If the injury doesn’t appear to pose immediate medical risks there are 5 things you can do:

1. Remain calm, nonjudgmental, and show support. Listening to what they have to say and to validate their feelings. Show love, affection, and concern. Don't demand that they stop. This makes them defensive and it can make them want to cut or self-harm more.  Two young women had a school counselor that listened with real interest and sincerity and that made them feel validated. Because of that they felt they could be honest and share their feelings with her. (Sandler, 2009)

2. Don't overreact or appear shocked. They need you to show confidence. If they see that you are nervous they will be uninterested in getting help from you. Just remember that self-injury is a way to cope rather than trying to commit suicide.

3. Contact your child’s pediatrician to discuss the concerns. While self-injury isn't a way people try to commit suicide it is important that you don't ignore the problem. Most people will not welcome the help and will be against getting help. They may even resent you for it. But in the long run it can help them to overcome self-injury. It is your responsibility to help someone that is harming themselves.

4. Be patient. Though you can force anyone to get help you can love them and show your concern. You also need to watch what you say. Saying negative things like that they are 'crazy' will condemn them into feeling like they can't change. Don't tell them that they don't need to self-harm because in their reality they feel like it's the only way. Don't say that you couldn't do the things they do to themselves. And lastly, don't tell them you won't leave them unless you mean it. Those who self-harm can feel very isolated and alone. So if you say it, mean it.

5. Ask for a referral to a trained mental health professional

You can also call and speak with a highly trained crisis counselor at the Boys Town National Hotline: 1-800-448-3000

(DeRuyck & Resetar)

Coping tips if your loved one self-injures:

·    Get informed. Learning more about self-injury can help you understand why it occurs and help you develop a compassionate but firm approach to helping your loved one stop this harmful behavior.

·    Try not to judge or criticize. Criticism, yelling, threats or accusations may increase the risk of self-injuring behavior.

·    Let your loved one know you care no matter what. Remind the person that he or she is not alone and that you are available to talk. Recognize that you may not change the behavior, but you can help the person find resources, identify coping mechanisms and offer support during treatment.

·    Share coping strategy ideas. Your loved one may benefit from hearing strategies you use when feeling distressed. You can also serve as a role model by using appropriate coping strategies.

·    Find support. Consider talking to other people who've gone through the same thing you're going through. Share your own experiences with trusted family members or friends and keep in close touch with the professional taking care of your loved one. Ask your friend or loved one's doctor or therapist if there are any local support groups for parents, family members or friends of people who self-injure.

·    Take care of yourself, too. Take some time to do the things you enjoy doing, and get adequate rest and physical activity.

Prevention of self-harm:

There is no sure way to prevent your loved one's self-injuring behavior. But reducing the risk of self-injury may include strategies that involve both individuals and communities — for example, parents, schools, medical professionals, supervisors, co-workers and coaches:

·    Identify people most at risk and offer help. For instance, those at risk can be taught resilience and healthy coping skills that they can then draw on during periods of distress.

·    Encourage expansion of social networks. Many people who self-injure feel lonely and disconnected. Forming connections to people who don't self-injure can improve relationship and communication skills.

·    Raise awareness. Adults, especially those who work with children, should be educated about the warning signs of self-injury and what to do when they suspect it. Documentaries, multimedia-based educational programs and group discussions are helpful strategies.

·    Promote programs that encourage peers to seek help. Peers tend to be loyal to friends even when they know a friend is in crisis. Programs that encourage youths to reach out to adults may chip away at social norms supporting secrecy.

·    Offer education about media influence. News media, music and other highly visible outlets that feature self-injury may nudge vulnerable children and young adults to experiment. Teaching children critical thinking skills about the influences around them might reduce the harmful impact.

(Harms, 2012)

Addressing the Many Dimensions of Self-Harm:

A program that offers a  A Multi-Dimensional Perspective helps to create interventions that take all aspects of self-harming behaviors into consideration. Programs that follow this model help to create a full circle interventions that helps to prevent further self-harming behaviors. 

Negative vs. Positive Interactions:
Family and peers are often the ones used to get out anger, stress, and depression. It is important that peers and parents don’t shame or walk away from the teen, but facilitate clearer communication to understand the root of the problem.

Parent Interactions:
Negative Parent Interactions:

• Neglect 
• Abuse
• Lack/poor communication 

 Positive Parent interactions:

• Open communication
•  Stable family life 
• Parental appreciation and encouragement

 Addressing the problems within a parent/child relationship will happen more easily with open communication. The act of self -harm is a way to gain attention from their parent that, otherwise, ignores and neglects them. (Steinberg, L., pg. 129) Authoritarian parents are strict, rigid, and consequence/discipline driven (Steinberg, L., pg. 129). The stifling pressure that many self-harmers, experience from their parents, have lead them to having high levels of anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem. 

Peer interactions:

Negative peer interactions;

•   Inappropriate peer influence in forms of peer rejection and miscommunication

•   Poor interaction with peers

•   Problems in sex and courtship are also viewed as triggers for cutting

Positive Peer Interactions:

•   Peer communication

•   Interaction

•   Support 

•    Recognition 

A clinical programs facilitate the kinds of conversations that will help parents, peers, and the self-harming teen to have better communication. Frustrations in miss-communications and lack of communication are identified as a leading reason for using self-harm.

Interpersonal Interactions:

Another important aspect of the intervention is helping the teen to constructively deal with interpersonal problems. The prevention of further self-cutting is seen as first helping the teen to increase their feelings self-integrity and dignity.
Self building Activities:

•    Participating in activities that establish supportive peer groups, 

•    Engaging in volunteer services in helping other vulnerable persons,

•    To have normal social and recreational activities, 

•    To attend adventure training and sport activities

•    To engage in creative artwork and design.

The mulch-dimensional model of self-harming helps for clinics to design an intervention that covers the wide array of influences that leads to cutting/self-harm. Taking the social/environmental, parent, peer, and interpersonal influences of self-harming/cutting, will allow for the self-harmer to learn ways to cope with triggers of self-harm.

(Yip, K.S., (2005)